English For Americans ....American for Brits .... and Canadian Speech Plumb in the Middle !!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Most of us have friends and acquaintances caught up in the throes and mental anguish of learning the English language.In fact , I have one of these dauntless learners sleeping next pillow over  ...... who might very well startle me to full awakening at 3 o'clock in the morning by asking whether....... besides their indvidual specific meanings  ,,,,,, the words  "spatter , scatter , splatter , clatter , chatter , tatter and shatter " might share another all - embracing semantic feature ?  Or maybe something simpler such as whether " egotistic " could be a variant of "egoistic "? Yes , Fluff is an avid learner and will stop at nothing less than the mastery of the English language. Both she and her friend and countrymate , Mona , are well on their way to achieving that goal as  attested to by the quality of their excellent blogposts. So now enough said ..... and on to the raison d' être of today's post.

Let's suppose that a learner were to seek your help asking  you , an English speaker , the following questions. Please do not scurry for the dictionaries and grammars in search of  "correct" answers. Simply tell him / her what YOU think to be an acceptable response to his / her query. 

1. Your friend is playing Monopoly when one of the two dice rolls beyond her reach .......so she asks the player to her right to pass it to her. How should she formulate her request ? In other words .... what is the singular of "dice "?  

2. Recently your friend has been enhancing and enriching her knowledge of English by listening to some George W. Bush audio tapes The pronunciation of two terms caught her attention as to the number of syllables per word...... the two words were "heinous "and " mischievous " ! So , how many syllables ... 2 , 3 or 4 ?.

3. While listening to CNN news yesterday she  heard reporter , Carol Costello , describe a near miss between two airplanes on the ground somewhere in the USA. The planes came to a stop and passengers were taken off of the planes as soon as possible. Your learner friend wants to know whether she could also say "taken off the plane or planes " ?  Is one way more standard than the other ?.

4. And then come the pronunciation quandaries...... explaining the logical relationship between the letter  "o " and the real vowel sounds it represents in the words such as womb , bomb and comb !!.... or even worse in -ough - ending words such as though , bough , through , hiccough , trough , enough  , slough , plough , etc 

5. She might likewise have learned through her experience that  not knowing Jack Sh_t could be considered by some as a serious drawback and thus impede  one's intellectual capability and well - being. And Sam Hill ? Who in the Sam Hill was he and what is his place in North American speech ? And where did poor Benedict Arnold go wrong ? Not to speak of Tom Foolery !  

6. And how do you teach  a foreigner the full meaning of the word " snookums " and that warm and fuzzy feeling it kindles inside you the first time you find yourself in the privileged position of being able to  call somebody by that name........  get away with it and not feel odd  doing so !!

Good News And Bad News !!

 

While browsing through the French newspaper yesterday two major stories caught my attention. First of all ,  biologists have given a clean bill of health to Quebec's caribou population saying that the animals are in great physical shape and flourishing whilst , in the same breath , announcing  that hunting season would open next week. I am sure the some 400 , 000 beasts in the herd that roams our tundra and treeline region will be thrilled , if not overjoyed , by that good news !! 

The second news item grumbled on monotonously bewailing the huge quantity of snowfall ...... adding that we were probably heading for a record - breaking year. There was , however , a new twist , to this old , hackneyed subject. In and around the suburban areas of Quebec City snow - removal crews .... with their snowblowers .... have been piling the snow skyhigh on homeowners' front lawns...... so much so that citizens are now complaining , asking the city to come , scoop up much of Mother Nature's comforter  and truck it off to a dumping site. And I can vouch for what they say because driving yesterday from downtown  Fluff and I couldn't even read the civic numbers on the homes in most quartiers ..... only rooftops and chimneys.Now the intellectuals at City Hall got together .... probably with some math expert ... and came up with a formula to help folks figure out how many cubic metres / yards of snow had already been blown onto their front lawns . They likewise furnished a limit as to how much snow they could dump on one's lawn....... adding that once attained , the City would scrape off any amounts exceeding said limit until the end of said Winter...... thereby giving more vision to homeowners' panoramic windows and making their civic numbers more visible to police , delivery guys , Publishers' Sweepstakes and tax collectors , etc. The burden of applying the mathematical formula to figure out how much snow you have out front is left up to you ! Have fun!

P.S. Joe Bine is our Quebec answer to "Joe Blow " or Average Joe. The caption translates , " I'm gonna have to put it inside.... there's no room left outside "

Time Out For A Chuckle !!

 

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.  It seemed a little strange.

When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.  Then I looked around saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well, 'he explained, "The restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes.  After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.  It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.  If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare.  "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed.  I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.  Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.  So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!"  Then he lowered his voice.  "Not everyone is so observant.
That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom.  By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?" "Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

 

 

Shrive , Shrove , Shriven....... Like........ Drive , Drove , Driven !!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Foreword : What follows is neither a sermon nor a secret ploy to convert anyone to any religious belief system whatsoever. I have enough problems keeping myself on the straight and narrow without self - righteously browbeating  or cudgelling others into my way of thinking and therefore , along the blissful road to salvation. This is but a simple explanatory footnote to my experience with the "archaic "verb... shrive , shrove , shriven...  in my youth , growing up in a typical Irish Catholic family setting .... neither overly severe and certainly not fanatical !!

Our wee community of Pokiok , some two miles upriver from Saint John , was comprised of roughly speaking.... maybe 40 family units the vast majority of whom were of Protestant denomination.... except for us " Micks " or "Mickies " as we were often referred to back then .... which was usually a "fighting word " when said to our facess ! Some would allude openly to our priests as "the black crows on the hill " ( Saint Peter's Church was built on a hill ) and call the church itself "Mickies' Tavern " because the priest used wine during Mass. However , such scurrilous words were the doings of the malevolent few ! In general we got along fine with all our neighours...... at least as well as any of the others did among themselves in our little world.

Tommy McDonald was my childhood playmate and buddy. Whenever asked , his parents would say they were Protestants but did not belong to any specific church. One day we were playing behind our house when  a humdinger of a thunder and lightning storm broke loose on Pokiok.... so we ran for cover as the torrential rains beat down around us. Once safely inside out of the downpour I noticed my Dad battening down the hatches as he called it.... closing the windows ..... while my Mom and Grandmother were making the rounds of the house .. upstairs and downstairs.... carrying jars of holy water in the left hand and each wielding  palm branches in the right hand .... dipping and sprinkling everything in sight as they scurried around. To me this was normal procedure so I hardly paid any attention to what was going on at all ... whereas Tommy was in pure shock. He told me in later years he thought it might have been some form of witchcraft. All this so as to give you some idea of what kind of setting I grew up in. And now on to the gist of today's blog.  

Roughly one week before Ash Wednesday ( tomorrow ) we began Shrovetide........ a period of intense self-scrutiny followed by confession to a priest so as to begin Lent with a pure soul. So today for Catholics is called Shrove Tuesday , recalling its original meanng . Shrovetide ends theoretically at midnight tonight. As kids growing up we often joked around saying to one  another , "You gonna get shriven today ?" knowing full well that it really meant going to confession..... and not having pancakes for supper !  We put shrive/shrove/shriven in the same basket as other  "old " words such as ye , thou , thine , thy , thou art , thou shallst , he cometh , Whitsun and Whitsuntide , etc...... but we knew them and used them even though "archaic " .... mainly for fun though among ourselves.. 

P.S. In the above picture I have recreated the scenaro for Extreme Unction or Last Rites when administered  at home. This "paraphernalia " or sacred dowry was brought over from Ireland and has been handed down to me along with the old " doomsday box ".

P.S.2 I have been remiss in visiting my friends' blogs of late and shall be making the rounds tonight and tomorrow so please forgive me.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Spy....... With My Google Eye !

 

In my youth for a young boy to play " I spy .... with my little eye "  was tantamount to being a "sissy " and losing face ..... but now that I have outgrown that childhood phobia.... ah ! what the hell ... here goes ! I spy with my little eye something that begins with " F "..... it is both edible and eatable and gathered in shady , damp spots in early Spring. Growing up in rural Pokiok ... outside Saint John .... it was a common sight to see mothers and older daughters out reaping Mother Nature's bountiful gift during the first two weeks in May. As seen in the picture they are likewise harvested and sold in supermarkets throughout Eastern Canada.

P.S. Please enlarge for better viewing. I even went for a double "F " , Mona !!

Mes Fils..... My Sons...... Miei Figli

My sons throughout the years

Mona's Double Dare !!

Enkindled by our friend , Mona's Friday Dare and likewise inspired by the many CSI programmes on TV nowadays ... I wish to display my second item of glassware in evidence for your scrutiny and forensic analysis. What is this contraption ? I dare you to tell me the name that was on the box in came in !  

P.S. There is a hole in the bottom where the glass curls inwards and upwards  around the lip of the indented hole .... so as to hold maybe two inches water all around the circumference of the base. 

Outings With Riparian Delights !!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone loves a picnic...... especially should it take place near a waterfall , lakeside , beside a babbling brook or when possible....... by the sea !!  Now I was born on the bank of a major New Brunswick river some 5 minutes upstream from the sea so outings in riparian settings were part and parcel of my early youth. In Summer my Mom would put up a lunch after Sunday Mass and we would drive down the Fundy Coast about twenty miles .... between Chance Harbour and Dipper Habour .....to a grouping of giant rocks with a small rocky beach which we lovingly referred to as McNulty Sands. We didn't bring along chairs as the multi-shaped bedrock with its grooves and plateaus provided all the sedintary backup we needed..... right down to the tabletop we spread our food out on. My Dad and I would gather up dry driftwood for suppertime  when he would build a fire to boil water for their indispensable cup of tea. He would usually have a pint or two  of Alpine ale also which he would  stash away in the cold North Atlantic waters ......... to enhance the taste he said !!

More than often my Mom would simply sit there and read old newspapers , Reader's Digest or maybe even our parish paper , the New Freeman. Dad would roll up maybe ten cigarettes from his old can of ZigZag tobacco and then he and I would head out to the rocks near the outgoing  tideline and cast for whatever was running that day..... smelt , flounder , tomacod ( harbour pollock ) , stray herring , etc .... might even go slumming to the bottom for eels.... just whiling away a pleasant afternoon !

So when I grew up and founded a family of my own this revered spot along the Fundy Coast became an annual highlight during our trip to visit Grampy and Grandmaman. McNulty Sands offered many more advantages and services than those I mentioned above . For example , in one of the pics above Kevin required immediate toilet facilities so I rolled three medium-sized rocks together forming a cavity where all three met... and BINGO ! ... a toilet is formed ! Should you desire seafood for supper you can always harvest enough periwinkles , whelks and mussels to feed a hungry knitting-club on the spot .... or walk around the point and dig clams in the muck , the mud and the sands of Little Lepreau Bay.  And don't forget that huge garbage bag full of kelp we'd gather for garden fertilizer.  God but I loved that haven !! We'll go back there again next Summer !! 

Mona's Showcase of Fine Glassware !!

For me there is a story behind each and every item of our experience and so it is for the cut-glass Val Saint Lambert carafe above.Had my forebears not made the ocean voyage to the land of plenty ..... had I lived in Ireland.... whenever census-taking time rolled around I would have loved to enroll myself as "seanchaí " ( shawnkee ) or storyteller.... caretaker of the lore. What a wonderful calling in life..... not the oldest profession on earth.... but maybe the the one that gathered and told tales about the oldest one !! BG. So here goes for the carafe !

It was Christmas Eve , 1965 , and me and my old 1960 VW were mushing our way through the back roads of Maine pushing snow ahead of us as we plodded doggedly onwards in a southeasterly direction. The Trans- Canada Highway was still a dream so I decided to take a shortcut home from Quebec City to Saint John , New Brunswick to be with my parents for the holidays so cutting through Maine was the best option open. I had just reached the outskirts of  the twin cities  Bangor - Brewer  and psyching myself up for the last lap of the trip through the dreaded no man's land.... 100 miles of forest with only the odd squatter's hut along the roadside.... to the  Calais - Saint Stephen border crossing to New Brunswick

Just as I was about to be swallowed .up by the darkness of the road and the night ahead  I looked to my left and spied a small boutique ... right there on the edge of town. Now it was about 8 oçlock on Christmas Eve and I figured this would be my last chance to buy a gift for my Mom ..... so I pulled over and stopped. And there it was !! ........ shining and glittering io all its splendour !! Just sitting around doing nothing there on display in the front window !! I went in and inquired about the price .... $ 25.00 ! I dug deeply into my "student-loan" pockets and bought it outright. Needless to say ... Mom was delighted....... not only for the carafe but also .. and primarily .... because the prodigal son had made it home for Christmas !!