Woman Loses False Teeth Overboard at High Tide , Finds Them Again at Low Tide !!

$300 Worth of Knowledge For 12 Bucks !!

 

A few weeks back I was having one of those private moments with myself ...... thinking , of course.... and I made up my mind that between then and the hearse I would read some major work on the history of civilization...... mainly to freshen up what I supposedly already knew but lie dormant in my memory and secondly give me an overall view of what had taken place on the world scene over the last " few " thousand years as seen by one author..... and , in return , on my part have material to chew on and criticize or agree with.   

Well , a couple of days ago Fluff and I browsed our way through the mountains of books at the Big Brothers / Big Sisters Annual Book Fair where I hit the proverbial jackpot. I bought 4 of Will Durant's "The Story of Civilization " , thick tomes ( 800 to1000 pages each volume ) well-annotated with footnotes and cross references galore....... a monumental and scholarly work of great proportions. At a book fair last year in Quebec I had already bought his book "The Reformation " so I was now the proud owner of 5 out of this 10 - volume series.And just yesterday a street vendor sold me my sixth prize copy "The Age of Louis XIV " for two bucks. Still four to go but I'm optimistic........ and in the meantime I have lots to read ...... having already started with the volume " Caesar and Christ "..   

Eternity just one heartbeat away , infinity much farther !!

 

Caught your undivided attention with the title now , didn't I ? And no , Cindy Anne , I'm not heading for the nearest bridge to jump off....... in spite of some of the appealing ones in Mona's recent DARE. Au contraire , mes ami(e)s , I am feeling just fine.... just a couple of slipped disks and a double hernia shy of being in perfect physical shape. Maybe the title has something to do with the contents of a few of the books hanging out of late on my desktop along with the usual oddball grammars and dictionaries....... Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History of Time "and "The Universe in a Nutshell ".......Brian Clegg's "A Brief History of Infinity " and The Last Billion Years : A Geological History of the Maritime Provinces of Canada "........ and then again it might be because I had breakfast this morning with  nine old buddies from my seminary days most of whom I hadn't seen in the last forty to fifty years !!!

It was a wonderful reunion and as we pulled away from the table at the end I could hear the loud creaking of bones. However , we made it through the whole meal without calling in the paramedics so we all came away happy ..... promising to get together once more on August 22nd , 2059.......... and I guess I should have a clearer and more precise appreciation of what eternity is all about by then. 

A Midsummer Chirp !!

 

In this computerized world we live in nowadays I neither twitter nor tweet. However , I DO chirp  !! In fact , when but a mere lad my Nanna would always say that my bummy little friends were cheeky ( bold /.impolite ) while I was simply chirpy. So there you go.

Well , we ' ve been here over seven months now and , contrary to popular opinion back in Quebec , I do not regret moving back to a home town I left almost 60 years ago in search of fame and glory ( huge LOL ). I only regret not doing it about ten years ago when I retired from the university. Saint John is a truly remarkable place to live and loving the sea as I do I can recharge my batteries at will 24/ 7 at close range. What a tremendous boon !!....and free too !! No covercharge !!

Healthwise all is as well as I could hope for , I guess ....except for the fact that I exposed my right shinbone to the world by way of a gaping hole left by a run - in with a trailer hitch in the dark. Nurse Fluff has changed dressings faithfully over the last two months so this gash will soon be history. In the meantime , however , I have sprung myself a double hernia .... so along with the other two already in place it's getting rather crowded  "down there ". Amen !

The girls / ladies who work as cashiers at supermarkets or as waitresses in restos always address their customers as honey , dear , sweetie , etc . Because of my age I usually get "dearie " ! I told Fluff I don't mind it and even find it cute...... however , should they start patting my gently on the head while saying it ... then I'll really blow my top !

I sincerely hope that you are all in good health and enjoying this wonderful Summer weather we are all experiencing. I hear that Mona has even launched herself into a new career .... following in the footsteps of Susan Boyle. Go for it , Mona .... reach for the stars ! Grab me one too while you're at it ! Hugs to all and y'all !! 

Ah , The Humility Of It All !!

 

It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: "Lads, I'm here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, don't step on any of the ducks or you'll be punished for eternity. Sean went in first and was amazed to see that the entire landscape was encompassed by ducks, and try as he might, sure enough he stepped on one. He was immediately joined by one of the homliest colleens he'd ever laid eyes on, and she said,"Well love, you stepped on a duck and now we're together for all time."And of course the exact same thing happened to Michael only his companion was even the worse for wear. By this time Tim was absolutely terrified. And he gingerly managed to make it most of the way across the courtyard  without stepping on a single duck. Suddenly, his arm was taken by a young lass. Tim looked over and beheld the most beautiful, graceful, blue-eyed woman he'd ever seen in all his life. He gasped, "I don't understand it!" The young beauty answered, "Well I'm sure I don't either, I was walking along minding my own business, when all of a sudden I stepped on a duck."

 

HAPPY EASTER TO ONE AND ALL !!   AND WATCH OUT FOR DUCKS !!!

Snicker , snicker.... cough , cough !!

A man is eating in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air.
    "Oh my god, I am sooo sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back into place. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."
    They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to breakfast the next morning. When he arrives the next morning, she has cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!!
    "You know, you are the perfect woman.  Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
    "No, she replies...

Wait for it...
It's coming..........
The suspense is killing you ....

"You just happened to catch my eye."

The Boatswain's ( Bo 'sun's ) Lament !!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just when you think you've sized up the whole situation and make ready to set course out to sea through the channel between Big Soldier and Little Soldier Islands...... along comes low tide to upset the applecart and throw a monkey wrench in your plans.

Many of us see life pessimistically as  a sequence of low tides .....   bummers or downers ......  while others such as Biff and Buck , our local tugboats , optimistically take advantage of high tide to tow a huge scow through the Reversing Falls........... a simple feat that would have a disastrous outcome "on the rocks " at low tide.

. Moral of the story......... sleep , rest or simply play it cool when tide's out.... or maybe dig a few clams or get a tan !......... and go for broke when tide is high . Life just might be a wee bit more agreeable  this way !!